✹ The journey of self
25th June 2021
Previously last term on this blog, I have written about the story in animated movie, Robots, which involve 2 principles of shininess. Whether oneself should aim for the perfection, transform to perfect the person. Or to shine with whatever who you are, which of cause, not aim at the perfection.
These two principles have restlessly dwelled in my head for a while as I have been struggling with trying to develop myself always - to be, as they - the life couches - say, ‘the perfect version of myself’ I was wondering how can I be like that? I’m full of flaws and mistakes, do I have to abandon everything that makes me - me and change to someone perfect in order to be accepted from the world, or even to be accepted from my own self? It’s quite an obsessive thoughts, to be honest, I wanted to be perfect, I wanted to be better. I did everything I can to get rid of the ‘disgusting behaviour’
‘How to be confident’
‘How to be attractive’
‘How to be more productive’
‘How to overcome fear’
‘How to not getting hurt from other people’
Etc
I had been searching for the solution to ‘fix’ something inside me, because I feel like I’m broken, something must be wrong with me. And self-help culture can be the way that can make me feel better about myself.
Later, I have been led to know this Youtube channel called, The school of life, where they teach people to accept the nature of human. Yes, we will get better everyday, but getting rid of all flaws is not the sustainable option. I later found, accepting every part of myself, by understanding the cause of that behaviour - in phycological aspect, can help me feel comfortable being myself more. Every human being has fear, insecurity, madness and fragile and that is ok. You don’t have to be perfect, no one will, so instead of running after the impossible goal that is beyond human ability, why don’t accept it. To know that everyone have been struggling with the same issue kind of reassure me that, everything is ok, human is built this way and nothing’s wrong about that. After I can accept myself, my mental health has been much better and the relationship between me and my inner child has developed as well.
Now looking back to my Master project, as I have the subject of self in my context, I kind of explore that through my personal view, in this case shininess need to have both light and dark to harmonise and help each other to emphasis the quality of the material. Everything always have 2 sides, we can not be good with out bad, light without darkness. SO to answer the question above, perfection doesn’t exist. To completely change and abandon everything that make us unique is against the nature of life. Accept every part of self and shine from what you have, might be a good thing to start with.